Jan 4 5

Yesterday was ok about a usual day so I'd say 5. I buried myself in a novel except for an errand and taking care of Mom and Broc.. It was not so good, but not terrible either.
This am. was Terrible  So far I have never,well almost never, had a break down and cried anywhere except alone episode. Just because some tall guy stood behind us in line at the market.  I was just hyper aware of male bodies. and mine in comparison. 
So, I didn't go too obviously crazy, just shaky and teary and having a hard time breathing. I didn't think aobut suicide much. so I guess a 8 or 9. I am looking for a therapist who takes my insurance right now. Maybe one or two in town. It's  hard to find a referral service that is up to date.
yesterday 5
today 8 9

I